Deep Funny Quotes

How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.

Babies change everything — mostly sleep, but also hearts.

Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.

I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun.

One should respect public opinion insofar as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison.

Easter is the only time when it's perfectly safe to put all of your eggs in one basket.

Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I'm a man of simple pleasures.

Husbands are like wine; they take a long time to mature.

I see nobody on the road, said Alice. I only wish I had such eyes, the King remarked in a fretful tone. To be able to see Nobody!

If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.

We of the craft are all crazy.

A husband is a man who wishes he had as much fun at home as his wife thinks he does at the office.

Spring is when you feel like whistling, even with a shoe full of slush.

Baby, (noun): a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other — and the whole world's love in between.

A grandmother is a babysitter who watches the kids instead of the television.

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

Contrariwise, if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.

Retired: good bye tension, hello pension!

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

Happiness is a good bank account, a good cook, and a good digestion.